Medical jokes

Posted by: “Hakiki Akbari” hakikiakbari@yahoo.

Is she feeling any better?

  • Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
  • Nurse: No change yet.
  • What should I do then?
  • Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
  • Doctor: Sell!

Benefits of having Alzheimer’s disease

  • 5. You never have to watch reruns on television.
  • 4. You are always meeting new people.
  • 3. You don’t have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
  • 2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
  • 1. Mysteries are always interesting.

The prison hospital

  • Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You’ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
  • Doctor: I am, bit by bit. How much will this cost me?
  • Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
  • Dentist: $100.00.
  • Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
  • Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
  • Would you please do me a favor? A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
  • Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
  • Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.
  • Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.
  • A doctor is complaining to a mechanic A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, “Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”
  • “Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.”

Can I play the piano once these are off?

  • A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
  • “Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?”
  • “I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.
  • “That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”

Get me an ambulence now A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

  • Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
  • Operator: Okay, sir, you’re an ambulance!

The bad and the worse news A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

  • Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
  • Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
  • Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
  • Man: And the bad news?
  • Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.
  • Man: That’s great. I was afraid I had cancer!

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