Joke collection – 222

Lion Tamer

  • A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up.
  • One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
  • The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it.
  • This is one ferocious lion.
  • He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you’re history.
  • Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”
  • The girl says, “I’ll go first.”
  • She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
  • The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles.
  • He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.
  • The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor.
  • He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.”
  • He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”
  • “No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”

Area 51

  • You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high- security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?”
  • Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

  • The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

  • By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

  • The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane… only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

I Am A Father

  • A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
  • The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”
  • The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
  • The priest looked up from his book and said, “I am the Father of many.”
  • The boy said, “My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”
  • The priest, getting impatient, said “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.
  • The little boy sat quietly… but on leaving the bus, he leaned over and said, “Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

Overcrowded Church

  • The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

  • One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

  • The one in the middle announced, “Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!”
  • Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

  • After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
  • The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, “All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service.”

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