Joke collection – 221

Library Complaint

  • Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!”
  • “Yes, ma’am?”
  • “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
  • “What was wrong with it?”
  • “It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!”
  • The librarian nodded and said, “Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book.”

Cowboy In A Gay Bar

  • A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar.
  • “But what the heck,” he says to himself, I really want a drink.”
    When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy,

  • “What’s the name of your penis?”
  • The cowboy says, Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.”
  • The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan ‘Just Do It.’ That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because ‘It really Satisfies’.”
  • The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.
  • So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?”
  • The man looks back and says with a smile “TIMEX”
    The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?”

  • The fella proudly replies, “Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’!”
  • A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella’s on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, ” So, what do you guys call yours?”
  • The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because Quality is Job One.”
  • Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford, lately?”
  • The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY … Like A Rock!” And gives a wink.
  • Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
  • Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer.”
  • The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why Secret?”
  • The cowboy says, “Because it’s STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN !!

The President”s Puzzle

  • Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
  • “What’s the matter, Mr. President?” The Vice President inquired.
  • “Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” The President beamed.
  • “How long did it take you?”
  • “Well, the box said ‘3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!”

Mad Cows

  • Two cows were talking in the field.
  • One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?”
  • The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn’t it?”

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