Joke collection – 220

What’s In The Bag?

  • Two West Virginians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack.
  • When they meet, one says, “Hey, Tommy Ray, what’cha got in th’ bag?”
  • “Jus’ some chickens.”
  • “If I guess how many there are, can I have one?”
  • “I’ll give you both of them.”
  • “OK. Ummmmm……, five?”

Oh Grandma

  • The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
  • The grandmother was curious.
  • “What trick is that my dear?” she asked.
  • The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again.”

A pirate at the local bar discusses his past

  • A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
  • The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
    The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”

  • The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks.
  • Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
    “Wow!” said the seaman.

  • “What about your hook”?
  • “Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords.
  • One of the enemy cut my hand off.”
  • “Incredible!” remarked the seaman.
  • “How did you get the eye patch”? “
  • A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.
  • “You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?,” the sailor asked incredulously.
  • “Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with my hook”

Bottle Trouble

  • A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.
  • During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.
  • “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother.
  • Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now.
  • She’s hitting the bottle.”

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