Wong Kam Punk’s Blog

Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

• “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
  
• The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband,
  
• “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
  
• The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
  A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
  
• “You’re finished already?” he asked.
  
• “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
  
• “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch,it’s a Ferrari.”
  

Harry Prasetya, ST

Watch What You Ask For

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said “Fairy odmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The Fairy Godmother replied, “Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?” Cinderella is overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:

• “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.” Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
• Cinderella said, “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”
• The Fairy Godmother replied, “It’s the least I can do.
• What does your heart wish for your second wish?”
• Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.” At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke.

• “You have one more wish, what will you have?”
• Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful, and handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.

• The Fairy Godmother again spoke. “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life.” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, “I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you? Hip!!

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations do not go together:

1. A nose ring and bifocals.
2. Spiked hair and bald spots.
3. A pierced tongue and dentures.
4. Miniskirts and support hose.
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
6. Speedos and cellulite.
7. A bellybutton ring and a gallbladder surgery scar.
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.
9. Midriff shirts and midriff bulge.
10. Bikinis and liver spots.
11. Short shorts and varicose veins.
12. In-line skates and a walker.

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