Wong Kam Punk’s Blog

The UFO

• A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road.
  
• The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
  
• “Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally uttered.
  
• “Yeah,” said the blond attendant. “So?”
  
• “Didn’t you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!”
  
• “Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”
  
• “Didn’t you see the letters ‘UFO’ on the side of that vehicle?!”
  
• “Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”
  
• “Don’t you know what ‘UFO’ means?!”
  
• The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. “Good grief, boss! I’ve been working here for six years.
  
• Of course I know what ‘UFO’ means ‘Unleaded Fuel Only.’”
  

First Class All The Way

• I deserve a first class seat A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane.
  
• The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket.
  
• The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
  
• The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave.
  
• The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
  
• The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
  
• The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear.
  
• She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
  
• The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
  
• The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
  

Oh The Pain

• A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
  
• “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
  
• She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
  
• She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams,and so it goes on,everywhere she touches makes her scream.
  
• The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”
  
• She says, “No, I’m really a blonde.”
  
• “I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”
  

Buying a New Farm

• A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together.
  
• They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
  
• Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it.
  
• The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull.
  
• When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
  
• Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams.
  
• The farmer says he wants $200 for it.
  
• The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
  
• The farmer says, “Alright then, I’ll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?”
  
• The brunette accepts and buys the bull.
  
• She has $1.00 left for the telegram.
  
• The telegram guy says, “It’s $1.00 per word.”
  
• The brunette thinks about this and says,”Comfortable, write that.”
  
• “Comfortable?” the guy questions.
  
• “Yes, you see she reads slow.”
  

Horseride

• A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
  
• It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
  
• She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
  
• The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
  
• Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become tangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
  
• As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
  

Repeat News

• A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news.
  
• A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.
  
• The brunette says to the blonde: “I’ll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide.”
  
• The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: “OK, you’re on!” They watch for a few minutes and sure enough,the man jumps off the ledge.
  
• The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her,saying: “I can’t take your money – I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.
  
• The blonde replied: “Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn’t think he’d jump off again!”
  

The Magic Genie’s Lamp

• Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic Genie’s lamp.
  
• The Genie came out and said: “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
  
• The first said, “I wish I were smarter.” So she became a redhead.
  
• The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than her.” She became a brunette.
  
• The third blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than both of them.”
  
• So she became a man.
  

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How Many Sheep Do I Have?

• There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
  
• So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
  
• Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road.
  
• She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
  
• “If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?” she asked.
  
• The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. “You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph.
  
• Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
  
• She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
  
• She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,
  
• “If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?”
  
• The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. Your a blonde!
  
• Now give me back my dog.
  

The Pearly Gates

• A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,where she is greeted by St. Peter.
  
• “Welcome!” he says. “Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven.
  
• Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance.”
  
• “Okay,” says the blonde.
  
• “Here’s your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T.”
  
• “That’s easy. Today and tomorrow!”
  
• “Well, that’s not the answer I was thinking of, but I’ll give you another question.
  
• How many seconds are there in a year?”
  
• “That’s easy. Twelve!”
  
• “Twelve?”
  
• “January second, February second, March second — “
  
• “Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well.
  
• Well, Okay. I’ll give you one more chance. What’s God’s name?”
  
• “That’s easy. Howard!”
  
• “Howard?”
  
• “You know — ‘Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name…
  

The Blonde Painter

• This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
  
• While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
  
• The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
  
• Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smells of paint.
  
• He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
  
• He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
  
• He goes over and asks her is she is ok.
  
• She replies yes.
  
• He asks what she is doing.
  
• She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
  
• He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
  
• She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said For best results, put on two coats.
  

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Roe vs Wade

A blonde was sitting in class when the professor asked her if she knew what the Roe vs Wade decision was.
She sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound question and finally said,
“I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware.”

The Corn Field
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off.

A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, “You bimbo, it’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

Degrees Of Blondeness
1st DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

2nd DEGREE:
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

3rd DEGREE:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh that’s easy: W.”

4th DEGREE:
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? “Is it mine?”

5th DEGREE:
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,”I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!

Polish Priest
A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke,
when halfway through the priest interrupts her,
“Don’t you know I’m Polish?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the blonde apologizes,
“Do you want me to start over and talk slower?”

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