Wong Kam Punk’s Blog

The Inspection Teams

Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq? They’re all men! How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam’s stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding things. For crying’ out loud! They can’t find the dirty clothes hamper.

They can’t find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor…. and these are the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction? They probably couldn’t find them if they were lying in the middle of a dusty street with a picture of Saddam aiming a rifle in the air taped on the side.

I keep wondering why groups of women weren’t sent in—preferably mothers. After all, mothers know that their boys can’t find their socks or underwear when they’re neatly folded in their dresser drawers, so how could they be expected to find hidden biological weapons? On the other hand, mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope.

What we need over there are women like my mother. My mothr could find the old olive bottles filled with dimes that dad stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. She could sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. She always knew when the lid of the cookie jar had been disturbed,and I swear she must have dusted for prints on the roll of salami that was always in the refrigerator. She knew if a slice had been removed and by whom.

I developed her ability to stalk out criminal activity when my kids were at home. They couldn’t get away with much that I didn’t know about. They still think they got away with a lot, but actually i always knew what they were doing, and if I decided that what they were doing was not too important or dangerous, I allowed them to think they were getting away with it. It was important for them to think they have an uncanny ability to pull the wool over mom’s eyes occasionally. But male inspectors?

Going after Saddam? Now I know that our country has gone mad. Those inspectors will rely on electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats. They will try to use science to find chemicals. These men,dressed in their pretentious jumpsuits, carrying their bulging briefcases, will barge into palaces and hovels, look around and then officiously announce, “all clear”.

But if mothers were sent in they wouldn’t need body suits, briefcases or science. Mothers would go in, charge up to Saddam and, with their hands on their hips, demand, “do you have any weapons of mass destruction?” And they could tell in an instant whether he was lying or telling the truth.

And mothers would be quite capable of finding his cache no matter how cleverly he thought it was hidden. God help him once it was found; he would be chastised until he begged for mercy.

He wouldn’t be given a “time-out”; he would get an old fashioned butt-kicking by women who are adept at butt-kicking. And by the time these women finished with Saddam, he would be sitting in the middle of a dusty road with a limp rifle and a stunned look on his evil face.

Author: Unknown

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Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
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Miss Me?
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him.

• “She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return,” she said.
  
• “What an example of true love,” Dave replied. “I wonder if you’d be that concerned about me?”
  
• “Honey,” she answered, “if you were gone overnight, and I didn’t know where you were, you can be sure I’d be waiting for you at the front door.”
  

Waking up Johnny
Mrs. Brown was complaining to Little Johnny’s mother, “I just can’t seem to get my little Billy up for school in the morning. No amount of yelling or threats makes him move any faster.”

• “I know what you mean.” Johnny’s mom commented.
  “Johnny was the same way until I found a solution.”
  
• “You found a solution? What did you do?” Asked Billy’s mom.
  
• “I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed.
  Johnny sleeps with his dog.”
  

Little Johhny on the Highway
A woman was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7 yr. old son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of car’s flying down the road she looked at her speedometer to see she is doing 15 miles over the speed limit.

Slowing down she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that left her in the dirt. She looks up and sees the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?”

Little Johnny piped up from the back seat, “I do! Because you couldn’t catch the other car’s.”
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Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are
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