Archive for July 15, 2009

Kumpulan humor 125

Macam-macam pil

  • Pil yang jago nyanyi:
    Phil Collins
  • Pil yang pinter main sepakbola:
    Pilippo Inzaghi
  • Pil yang terang terus:
    Philips
  • Pil yang gak disuka dalam pergaulan:
    Pilih kasih
  • Pil yang bisa nerbangin pesawat:
    Pilot
  • Pil yang dipasang di bangunan:
    Pilar
  • Pil yang banyak njogetnya:
    Pilem India
  • Pil yang dibenci pria terhadap pasangannya:
    Pria Idaman Laen
  • Pil yang pernah dinyanyiin Morris Albert pada tahun 1970-an:
    Piiiiling, oooh, piiiling…….
  • Pil yang dipasang di pistol:
    Piluru
  • Pil yang terkadang kata-katanya mbingungin:
    Pilsafat
  • Pil yang bersekolah:
    Pilajar
  • Pil yang suka melucu:
    Pilawak
  • Pil yang guedheee banget di ruang angkasa:
    Pilanet

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Kumpulan humor 124

Kisah di Asrama Putri

Suatu hari seorang kepala asrama sedang memeriksa kondisi asrama putri yang dipimpinnya. Di salah satu kamar terdengar suara “Aaarggh, uumph, yees, oohhh” dan ia pun kaget waktu mendengar suara itu. Keesokan harinya semua anak perempuan dikumpulkan dilapangan:

  • Kepala asrama: “Semalam saya mendengar suara desahan di salah satu kamar…”
  • Murid: “Hah?!!”
  • Shanti: “Kikikikikik”
  • Kepala asrama: “Lalu saya menemukan celana dalam pria.
  • “Murid: “Hah?!!”
  • Shanti: “Kikikikikikik”
  • Kepala asrama: “Lalu didalam celana tersebut saya menemukan kondom…”
  • Murid: “Hah?!!”
  • Shanti: “Kikikikikikik…”
  • Kepala asrama: “Dan ternyata kondom tersebut bolong!”
  • Murid: “Kikikikikikik…”
  • Shanti: “Hah?!!”

 

Lalat di Cangkir Kopi
Di sebuah negeri antah berantah, suatu sore, seorang dokter, seorang aktivis lingkungan, seorang mahasiswa dan seorang tentara sedang duduk di warung kopi. Jika seekor lalat masuk ke cangkir kopi mereka, apa yang akan terjadi?

  • Dokter: Kopi dan cangkirnya dibuang, lalu dia mengganti dengan yang baru.
  • Aktivis Lingkungan: Lalat diambil, dikeringkan, lalu dilepas (bila masih hidup). Kopinya, tetap diminum.
  • Mahasiswa: Lalat di buang nggak peduli mau hidup atau mati dan Kopi tetap diminum.
  • Tentara:
  1. Membentak pemilik warung dan memerintahkannya mengganti dengan kopi baru.
  2. Menuduh mahasiswa telah dengan sengaja memasukkan lalat dalam cangkir kopinya.
  3. Meminta dokter segera memeriksa kesehatannya.
  4. Menangkap aktivis lingkungan atas tuduhan perbuatan tidak menyenangkan, karena telah membiarkan lingkungan sekitar warung kotor sehingga banyak lalat.
  5. Mengumpulkan warga desa baik tua muda atau lelaki dan perempuan untuk melakukan wajib kerja bakti membersihkan lingkungan.
  6. Menggelar konferensi pers dan meminta wartawan menulis bahwa tentara dibantu masyarakat telah membersihkan kampung tersebut dari lalat.
  7. Membentuk organisasi sipil untuk memastikan bahwa kerja bakti dilakukan tiap hari.
  8. Mengumpulkan orang untuk demonstrasi meminta agar tentara dipertahankan di daerah tersebut dengan alasan karena banyak lalat.
  9. Mendesak pemerintah pusat memberlakukan status darurat militer untuk mencegah lalat kembali.
  10. Melobi parlemen mengucurkan dana Rp 3 triliun untuk membiayai darurat militer membasmi lalat.
  11. Ketika darurat militer hampir habis, mengundang kembali dokter, aktivis lingkungan dan mahasiswa untuk duduk minum kopi dan memerintahkan seekor lalat untuk masuk kembali ke cangkir kopinya.

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joke collection – 65

NOAH IN MODERN TIMES
And the Lord spoke to Noah & said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water & all the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for the Ark.

“OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
“Six months, and it starts to rain, “thundered the Lord. “You’d better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.”

And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

“Noah,” shouted the Lord, “where is my Ark?” A lighting bolt crashed to the ground next to Noah.

“Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best. But there were big problems.

First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn’t meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans.

Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.

My neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince U.S.Fish and Wildlife that I needed wood to save the owls. But they wouldn’t let me catch any owls. So no owls.

Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat and still no owls.

Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now I’m still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I’m supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax.

I really don’t think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,”Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth?”
Noah asked, hopefully.

“No,” said the Lord sadly, “Government already has”

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