Archive for July 3, 2009

Kumpulan humor 109

Kondisi

* “DOKTER! tolonglah saya, saya kehilangan memori. Saya dahulu adalah pengusaha sukses. Tetapi, sejak memori saya hilang, saya kehilangan segalanya. Saya ditinggal keluarga saya karena lupa nama anak istri saya. Saya lupa nama relasi bisnis saya. Saya tidak ingat lagi bahwa saya sudah lima hari tidak pulang kerumah. Saya tidak ingat lagi berapa uang yang saya miliki, pokoknya semuanya semakin memburuk. Dokter tolonglah saya Dokter,” kata seorang lelaki kepada psikiater.
* “Baik saya akan coba tolong, sudah berapa lama Anda mengalami kondisi seperti ini?” tanya dokter.
* “Kondisi? Apa itu kondisi?” kata si lelaki.

Anak Jujur
PADA sore hari si Udin kepergok Pak Wawan pemilik kebun rambutan di sebelah
timur desa, lalu Pak Wawan bilang,

* “Dasar kamu mungkin selama ini setiap kali saya panen saya kehilangan banyak rambutan, jadi pelakunya kamu?”
* Dengan ketakutan si Udin menjawab, “Maaf Pak, saya selama ini cuma ngambil rambutan yang jatuh, tetapi di atas Bapak saya yang ngarungin”.

Calon Pembantu
SEORANG Wanita sedang mewawancarai calon pembantu rumah tangganya yang baru,Calon pembantu itu diminta menceritakan pengalaman kerjanya selama ini danmenunjukan referensi yang dimilikinya,

* “Sayang sekali, Bu. surat keterangan bekerja dari keluarga presiden sudah
hilang. Tetapi, saya masih menyimpan beberapa buah sendok sebagai bukti saya pernah bekerja di sana,” ungkap calon pembantu itu.

Rabun
KARYO yang sudah agak rabun penglihatannya jalan-jalan ke kebun binatang.
Sampailah ia di depan kandang beo. Berhubung belum pernah melihat beo, dia
pun mendekatkan kepalanya ke kandang.

* “Ngapain kamu dekat-dekat?” kata si beo yang rupanya sudah mahir berbicara.
* “Oh maaf, saya kira bapak ini seekor burung!” jawab Karyo sambil buru-buru
meninggalkan kandang burung.

Ikan Paus
DUA orang nelayan dan temannya sedang memperhatikan seekor ikan paus yang
mati terdampar.

* “Kasihan nasib ikan paus itu, dia mati terdampar di pantai ini,” ujar salah
seorang nelayan.
* “Yang lebih kasihan adalah si penggali kuburnya,” sambung nelayan satunya
lagi.

“Staring”
IJEM selalu pergi meninggalkan TV tiap kali ada film barat. Majikannya heran melihat tingkahnya itu.

* “Kenapa kamu selalu pergi tiap ada film barat?” tanya majikannya
* “Bosan Bu. Habis tiap film pemainnya selalu si “Staring”.

Pendirian
DUA orang kenalan bertemu setelah beberapa tahun tidak jumpa.

* “Berapa umurmu sekarang?”
* “Empat puluh tahun.”
* “Lho, ketika kita bertemu dua tahun yang lalu Anda bilang empat puluh
tahun?”
* “Ya itulah buktinya saya seorang yang punya pendirian!”

Dua Jam
DI ruang praktik dokter, seorang pria bertanya pada dokternya.

* “Dokter. Bagaimana tanda-tanda ketuaan itu?”

“Tandanya jika Anda butuh waktu dua jam untuk memakai pakaian, dan dua jam untuk mengingat mengapa Anda memakai pakaian!”

Indo community

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joke collection – 44

Talk To Me,Windows XP

YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?
Yes.
ARE YOU REALLY SURE?
Yes.
ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?
YES!

OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE’RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE “ANTI-TRUST” NONSENSE. INGRATE.

Just get on with it.

ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.

Groan.
THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.

Problems? What problems?
THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.
But I’m using it at this very moment.
THAT IS IRRELEVANT.

But if the video card isn’t working with the mother board then I can’t very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn’t…

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THE FOLLOWING MINOR ERRORS: WINDOWS XP IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH THE FOLLOWING HARDWARE – MONITOR, KEYBOARD, MEMORY CHIPS, MOTHERBOARD BIOS, WEB CAM, SCANNER, SOUND CARD, USB CONTROLLER,CD/R DRIVE, MICROPHONE, AND FLIGHT STICK.

All that?
YES. AND THE HARDDRIVE IS RIGHT OUT TOO. WE DON’T LIKE THE MANUFACTURER.
Well what DOES work?
THE MOUSE.
The mouse?
YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.
I don’t have a 5 1/4 drive.
YES YOU DO.
No I don’t.
WHAT’S THAT THEN?
It’s a 3 1/2 drive.
NO IT ISN’T.
Yes it is.

.. HEY, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT A DISK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISK? YOU’RE NOT PUTTING IT IN THE DRIVE ARE YOU? YOU ARE!
WHAT’S ON THAT DISK. IS THAT DOS? YOU’RE INSTALLING DOS?? WHY WOULD YOU INSTALL DOS WHEN I AM INFINITELY MORE POWE……….
______________________________________________________________________________
You can at any time decide to alter the course of your life.
No one can take that away from you.
You can do what you want to do. You can be who you want to be.

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joke collection – 43

We’re Getting Old !

Dear friends,
We’re getting old, right? You guys still talk about Doraemon whereas kids today talk about Pokemon. We are from the Doraemon generation and they are from the Pokemon generation. Let’s see. The majority of students in universities today were born in 1983… They are called “youth”.

For them, They have never heard of “We are the World, we are the Children…”
And the “Uptown Girl” they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel.
For them, there have always been only one Germany and only one Vietnam.

AIDS exists since they were born.
CD exists since they were born.
Michael Jackson is already whitened.

John Travolta is always round in shape and they can’t imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. They believe that Charlie’s Angels and Mission Impossible are just new films out last year.

They can never imagine a black and white screen for a computer.
They never know Pac-Man.

They can’t believe a black and white television ever existed and they don’t even know how to switch on a TV without a remote control.

And they never understand how could we go out without a mobile phone when we were in university … Let’s check if we’re getting old…

 

  1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
  2. You need to sleep more, until afternoon, after a night out.
  3. Your friends are getting married.
  4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computer.
  5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
  6. You developed more and more feelings about your work. It’s now your life.
  7. You spend less and less time talking on phone with your friends daily.
  8. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating again and again all funny stories your experienced together.
  9. Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends. You think they will like it too …

    Hahaha … Yes, you’re getting old.

*Wayan Scoob*

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