Wong Kam Punk’s Blog

the saddest story

Three guys went on spring vacation and booked three rooms at a hotel.
When they got to the hotel the clerk said there were no reservations in the computer for them but they had an opening in a suite they had. So they said okay.

Then the clerk gave them the key, said it was on the 30th floor and the elevator was broken so they would have to use the stairs.

They said okay and made a deal the first guy would tell funny stories the 1^st ten flights.

The second guy would tell scary stories the 2nd ten flights, and the third would tell sad stories the last ten flights.

So the first guy told stories and they walked slow.

Then the second guy told stories and they sped up when they got scared.

Last the 3rd guy told sad stories and at the last stair he said, “Want to here the saddest story in the world” and the other guys said okay tell us. He said, “I left the key in the lobby.

The Rules For Men Explained
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies : Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ………………………………………+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets……………….-1
You leave the toilet seat up…………………………….-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty………… 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom………..-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5
in the snow……………………………………………+8
but return with beer……………………………………-5
and no liners…………………………………………-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night………………… 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing………… 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something……….+5
You pummel it with a six iron…………………………..+10
It’s her cat………………………………………….-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party………… 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking
buddy……-2
Named Tiffany………………………………-4
Tiffany is a dancer…………………………-10
With breast implants………………………..-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday…………………………..0
You buy a card and flowers………………………….0
You take her out to dinner………………………… 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar….+1
Okay, it is a sports bar…………………………..- 2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night……………………..- 3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team……..-10
(Basically, the first 4 items are must dos. Otherwise, minus points!)

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal…………………………………0
The pal is happily married……………………..+1
The pal is single……………………………..-7
He drives a Ferrari……………………………-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)……..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie……………+2
You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
You take her to a movie you hate……+6
You take her to a movie you like……-2
It’s called Death Cop 3……………-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans….-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly………………………….-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it…+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts………………………-30
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”……………..-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding………………….-10
You reply, “Where?”………………………..-35
You reply, “no, I think it’s your ass”………-100
Any other response…………………………-20
(Once this question is asked, basically you only get minus points!)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression………………..0
You listen, for over 30 minutes…………………………….+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience……..+50
You’re mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
“well, what do you think I should do”………………………-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV***..+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep…………-200

the photographer
The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”.

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale.

“Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to…”
“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs.Smith cut in.
“Really ?” the photographer asked. “Well, good! I’ve made a specialty of babies.”

“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat. Just where do we start?” asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.”

“Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me.” “Well, Madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions, and if I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”

“I hope we can get this over with quickly,” gasped Mrs. Smith.
“Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure.”
“Don’t I know!”, Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.”This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.”

“Oh my god!”, Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
“And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.” The photographer handed Mrs.Smith the picture. “She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.

“Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.”

“Four and five deep?” asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
“Yes”, the photographer said. “And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardle concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.”

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “You mean they actually chewed on your,uh … equipment?”.

“That’s right. Well, Madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.”

“Tripod?” Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
“Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? …
Good Lord, she’s fainted!”

Indo community

The BARBER
There is this good old barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

An Indonesian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber! after the cut. But the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The Indonesian software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there…

Can you guess?
Do you know the answer yet?
Come on, think like an Indonesian…

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“THE RULES”
Lets get the rules straight for a relationship between a man and a woman.

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, and not what she said.
15. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
18. Every house belongs to the oldest Female living there.

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the prince and the curse

Once upon a time there was a prince who, through no fault of his own,was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words.

One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say “my darling”. But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.

Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”
The princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear,opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: “Pardon?”
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Indo community